They say numbers make sense. Or is it... numbers make the world go around? Or do the numbers even matter? Depending on who you ask - numbers can represent many things. A number can represent a person, a location, and/or even a significant date and time.
I have always been good at remembering phone numbers, birthdays, anniversaries, and now I can add death. For two years... I had a series of numbers running through my mind - in the same sequence order... 2253155535. You would think that it was a phone number or a serial number to an article about clothing, but it’s a set of numbers - dates and times of a significant event taking place in my life.
On February 25, 2018, I received a call that my father had suffered a heart attack and was in the hospital. There was nothing else I needed to hear. I briefly spoke with my brother, booked my flight, and got ready to see 'My Daddy'.
Yes, I said 'My Daddy'! Here I am... a woman in her early forties referring to my first hero... as 'Daddy'. Though... when I speak about him to others (depending on the audience) - I may say 'Pop', my 'Father', or plain Old 'Dad'. However, during this time - I remember saying [in my mind] I'm coming 'Daddy'!
I came from an era before 'GIRL DADS' (a phrase coined by the late NBA Superstar Kobe Bryant), I was and will forever be 'A Daddy's Girl'. I was the youngest and only daughter in my immediate family and my dad made sure to let everyone know (1) whose daughter I was and (2) more importantly - that I was his 'Little Girl'. I remember him telling me one time... it didn't matter how old I was, I would always be 'His Little Girl - Daddy's [Little] Girl". Of course, when I was younger, I was annoyed when he called me that; However, as I got older it was like a 'Badge of Honor' him calling me that. I supposed it was because I heard pride in his voice, whenever he said that to anyone about me.
I arrived the next day in the late afternoon and headed straight to the hospital; right before my brother arrived. We spoke with my dad's wife, our uncle, and the doctors regarding what happened, his current situation, and the prognosis. To make a long story short - my dad was in church that Sunday and after the service he was making his way to the restroom, before heading out, and going back home for supper/dinner. [I know what you are thinking... Did she just say 'supper'? Yes, I did... my dad was old school and from Kentucky. It was his thing]. Well, after my father closed the door behind him (of the restroom) that is when he had his heart attack...in church...after service.
As the hours went by... my dad's condition was not improving (there was no brain activity) - the machines were keeping him with us... we knew what was coming next. So, my brother, my dad's wife and I... we started to plan for the inevitable. We made the calls, went to the funeral home, spoke with the director, and selected things agreed upon between the three of us and kept in perspective WWDD (What Would Dad Do)?
Over the next few days, more of our family were coming into town. Our dad was on life-support, and we kept him there until his sisters were able to come, see him, and say their good-byes. Their Brother... Our Father... Andrew William Smith... Son of the (Late) Elizabeth and Jasper Smith. So, when it came to 'let our father/dad/'Pop' go' -- we all gathered around the bed, listen to the reverend speak in the room, praying what was unfolding right before our very eyes.
On March 1st, I was watching my father/my daddy, my mentor, my hero takes his final breaths of air... As the machines were being shut off, All I saw was folks' tears sliding down their faces... all I heard was the room growing more and more quiet... and the doctor saying, 'Time of Death... 5:55 PM'. My dad always told my brothers and me, that no one knows the day or the hour when their death will occur. And yet, those who are left behind to witness this event unfold, always remember such a day and time.
As the day of the service was upon us, I had gone through an array of grief (unbeknownst to me at the time) because I was to speak on behalf of my family. I mean, I (Ahira Yvonne Smith) ... the youngest and only daughter of Andrew W. Smith was tasked with addressing an audience full of our family, friends, colleagues, former students, classmates, fraternity brothers, and members of the church with all eyes on me and my two brothers on either side of me for support.
I had experienced 'Anticipatory', 'Complicated', and 'Compound' Grief all within me - mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually. In full transparency, I was wondering what exactly should I say? How can I summarize all that was my father into a 3 to 5 minutes speech? How Do I Say Goodbye... to my daddy? After some time, I was able to share my dad with those in the audience for his homegoing service.
So, my dad and I loved watching or going to the movies. It was one of those past times we enjoyed doing, talking about the latest films. When I saw Black Panther, I couldn't stop raving about how great the film was to my dad. From the storyline, cinematography, costumes, the actors... everything about the film was great. It was hard to contain my excitement at this film and I know my dad could hear it in my voice.
He went on to ask me "Was it that good" and I said 'Absolutely...Pop! You are going to love the film. It was action-packed, as well as a remarkable story line.' He sounded so eager to watch this film, he told me that he will check it out that coming Friday. Little did I know that 'Black Panther would be the last film he would see before his heart attack. I
n the film there was a part in which TChalla (the new King of Wakanda) went to the Ancestral Plain and was reunited with his departed father T'Chaka. When he saw his father, T'Challa said to his father... 'I am not ready to be without you'. His father's response: 'A man who doesn't prepare his children for his death, failed as a father. Have I ever failed you'? And T'Challa simply stated 'No Father.'
When I initially saw the film and heard that line, it struck a chord in me. Little did I know or realize how much that statement would resonate with me a few days later... at my father's own funeral on March 5. Hence, where the series of number come together -- 2/25 (the day my dad had his heart attack); 3/1 (the day he took his last breath), 5:55 PM (Time of his death); 3/5 (the day of his funeral/homegoing service) - 2253155535.
Father's Day is upon us this month. It's a day to recognize those men who don't just take care of his family (monetarily), it also includes leading by example on how to navigate in the world and (hopefully) towards success!
Episode #15 of It's Not You... It's Grief titled 'You Are My Sunshine' (https://bit.ly/INYIG_EP15_You_Brought_The_Sunshine) I spoke to Ms. Kemba Cofield - regarding how she took care of her father by becoming a caretaker for him up until his passing back in 2022. She mentions how leaving her teaching job to become a caretaker was a 'no brainer', when it came to her father. For she [too] was a 'Daddy's Girl.
For those whose fathers are still here on Earth, whether the relationship was good or troublesome, make sure to honor those men who have done the best they could by their children. It's not easy being a parent, nor for us adult children who eventually will have to say 'goodbye' to our parents.
For those of us whose fathers have passed on, I pray that this upcoming holiday is a gentle one for you. Here are some quotes that may resonate for you on this Father’s Day...
''Any man can be a father, but it takes someone special to be a dad."
"Although we may be separated, your guidance and love has stuck with me through it all. Happy Father's Day!" "Dad, your guiding hand on my shoulder will remain with me forever."
"Dad, you may not know everything, but you sure had me fooled for a while." "Dad... I may not be able to see you, but I know you're still watching over me." No matter how you choose to honor this Father's Day for that special man in your life (i.e., dad, brother, uncle, son, husband, significant other) - remind them that they are truly appreciated. And to my own Dad - Know that I may tell others (from time to time) that I am my 'Father's Daughter'; However, no matter how old I am... I will always be [your] 'Daddy's Girl'. Happy Heavenly Father's Day Pop! Love and Miss You! ((HUGGS)) Stay Finer Reader! This month's blog article is in honor of my father Andrew William Smith (August 24, 1941, to March 1, 2018).
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